a sudden grip of fear.
do you people get that feeling often?
sometimes i just get it, even though there's really nothing much that im dreading. just very suddenly your heart gives that fearful twitch. quite scary ah.

i keep hearing stories and stuff about treasuring your family and stuff.
yeah i do treasure them, but it gets really irritating at times.
i get so rebellious lately that if i get really angry i could just go out for the day.
i havent got to the stage of immediately changing and storming out of the house, but i did go out the next day without telling my parents once. just bcos i was so annoyed.
my brother treats my older brother with due respect. but he doesn't have the least, most basic bit of respect for me. i mean you do have basic respect for a older sibling right? he treats me like a dog. if he likes he can be very nice to me. and if he doesn't like it he can scold me VULGARITIES. like bitch and the f word and stuff. and other words that i dont even noe. he doesnt know the meanings of these words, he just think its cool using them.
i really hope by next year i can get my own room. i should RIGHTFULLY have my own room. most people at sixteen have their own rooms if they are born into average families. and its a BROTHER im sharing with. a most immature brother who is nearing the stage of puberty. nah. i have been nagging at my parents about this matter since i was in primary school. and nothing came out of it. for six years and above my parents have been telling me they are looking for a new house, but honestly they have never done serious house-hunting. they just feel that sharing a room is good for us cos it builds up our relationship. and all those stuff about buying a house aint that easy and stuff. yeah okay. alright. i noe its not easy. but how many years have gone by? how many times did they say, they've found a good site and than days later nothing comes out of it? im more than used to it, i dun even bother or get interested when i hear them talking about a site which have four rooms. they'll just forget about going to the show house, or persuade themselves that the rooms are probably too small anyway and they can just forget about it. they would also give false hopes and tell us impractical things. for example, during new year's eve, my dad told me we can consider moving to PUNGOL. cos the apartment there is windy and has four rooms. what i did that day is to just smile politely. i mean, pungol? pungol is terribly far from taonan and vjc. just the location alone is bad enough. and my parents are so fussy over the location and traffic, then why tell us about pungol? there are so many good sites in singapore with four rooms, if my parents were serious and concerned enough to do serious house-huntings, we could have moved a few years ago.
you may think im being childish and not sparing a thought for my parents. yes, i may act like i'm not at all understanding and too naive, but try thinking in my shoes. its been more than six years. oh yes, another thing. my parents LOVE telling me that i am lucky enough to be sharing a room with my brother only, in the past people used to share rooms with four or five siblings. if i were impolite enough, i would have replied, in the past policemen wore shorts. (my older bro uses that method.)

grah. my cny is kinda spoilt. i didnt exactly liked cny. i had expected it to be really fun and enjoyable. but it turned out disappointing. nothing about cny was nice, in fact, except maybe friday. bcos of obvious reasons. hey, it was too good to be true okay. (: but besides that, nothing else was as good as i expected it to be. friday was a disappointment bcos ruth couldnt join us, but i did not regret watching i not stupid too. its a real good movie. the bbq at night was not too bad. sat was not that fun. went out with jinci and ruth. but kbox only opened at 1, causing me to spent $14 instead of the $6 i expected for the morning session. not to mention the lunch money too. everything was just lousy. my cousin wasn't here for new year, she went thailand, lucky pig. my new year was thus quite boring, bcos i really dont know my other cousins well.

there was a lot of homework to be completed. i hate permutations and combinations. when i do the worksheets, they give me that feeling that my mind is blocked. and my older brother told me he learnt that in jc. irritating. im so going to fail the class test.

anyway sorry if you had read through the entry and found it a bore, cos i was simply venting my anger. feel better now. another question, is it bad luck if you break something on the first day of CNY? my maid broke a cup and got quite a scolding. ha. i must say im quite superstitious, but 2006 is an extremely important year for all secfours. an important year for my father too. so i really do not wish anything unlucky to happen this year.